Stories from Women who've had abortions
Please remember as stated on the first page that these are the stories of many individual women, and are their personal views and feelings. Some have many different views, and different ideas about their experience. You may not agree with what they are feeling, or what they say. That's okay! The idea here is just to give women a chance to be heard about how they feel. If you've had an abortion, and need to talk about it right away, you can check out the I need to talk now! section
If you are interested in submitting your story, here's the link to Tell Your Story
I had the abortion when I was 25 years old and just graduating from college. It had taken me a long time to get through college.
- What I think everyone needs to know is that some of us never get over it!!!! I had a horrible abortion!!!! I was only 15 years old the MAN was 20 and should of went to jail.
- I just finished 4 years of university and was ready to conquer the world.....that is what I thought. My story dates back to the beginning of year 2000.
- I was 15 when my stepfather (third one at that time, add him to the several live in boyfriends my mom had and ya get the idea) raped me.
I had the abortion when I was 25 years old and just graduating from college. It had taken me a long time to get through college. My boyfriend, who was a few years older than me, and I had relationship problems. We were in couples therapy and unsure whether or not we should stay together. By this time we had been together almost two years. He didn't want the baby and in therapy he said he wasn't sure I was 'the one' and didn't want to make the commitment of being a father. Also he comes from a very traditional culture and worked for a conservative corporation and there would have been a lot of shame about it. In my family there have been many out of wedlock pregnancies and it probably wouldn't have been a big deal, except that I was always sort of the 'star', in that I was one of the few to go to college. I don't think I wanted to sully my reputation as the 'smart one'. I also had this fantasy that now that I had graduated from college I would live this cool single girl life and a baby would change that. I also didn't have a job or a place to live, and I knew being pregnant without the support of my boyfriend would have made finding a job and a place to live more difficult than I felt I could handle.
Anyway, I was surprised at how little I felt physically during the abortion- I kept expecting to hear this screaming or something and it was so silent. My boyfriend was with me. There were some nuns outside praying for all of us and that confused me, because one side of my family is Catholic.
I think what has made this all so hard is that I eventually married my boyfriend and we now have a child who is two years old. I guess I feel like since we married anyway we should have had the child. I wish he had known he loved me and I wish I had known I loved him, and that we could have stuck together against everybody else and fought for each other and the baby. But we didn't- maybe this was an atonement marriage but I hate to think my child is a replacement baby. It's also sad because I don't think I'll have another child and my child will never know the sibling that might have been. But I also think if I had continued the pregnancy I probably wouldn't have the child I have now. I love my child a lot and I try to be a good mom, but I'm so scared that my child will find out that I had an abortion and hate me. I still have a lot of guilt and anger at my husband and myself. I gained about 50 lbs after the abortion and another 20 since my baby. Sometimes I feel really glad that I'm so overweight because I feel like it's a good way to suffer for what I did and also to punish me husband. I just want to get better. It's so hard though- so hard. - Lee.
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- What I think everyone needs to know is that some of us never get over it!!!! I had a horrible abortion!!!! I was only 15 years old the MAN was 20 and should of went to jail. I am 41 and do I ever see things in a different light. Sex is not LOVE. My loving parents who I have a hard time forgiving especially since they are dead made me have a abortion. It was a saline abortion I found out later. They must of paid this doctor big bucks for it because I had never heard of it. But it is the worst thing that has ever happen to me in my entire life. I was abused as a child, and all I wanted was so one to love me. When I finally realized I was pregnant I told my boyfriend. He told me that he did not believe he was the father...But he was. When I kept being sick my parents knew. The Boyfriend told me later that he had given my parents $2000. for the abortion. They used it for a down payment on a new car.Not only that 2 weeks after the abortion he married some one else. I am just now facing all the horrible things of my past. I advise all to seek help before they make any choices. I have two boys and God has forgiven me because I have adopted a little girl as well. I hope God has forgiven me enough to let me be in heaven.
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I just finished 4 years of university and was ready to conquer the world.....that is what I thought. My story dates back to the beginning of year 2000. Like I mentioned before I just graduated from university and full of hope. I am engaged and just couldn't wait to reunite with my fiancéee. I could still remember the day when I received a call from my doctor. I thought I was down with stomach flu but found out that I was pregnant instead. At that moment feelings of fear, disbelief and shock were the only things I felt. I quickly called my fiancéee and told him what I have found out. He was supportive and as shock as I am. This news took a few days before it really hits me. I didn't know what I should do. I didn't dare to tell my parents about this despite I'm 23. My family is very traditional and my mom constantly reminded me not to get into any embarrassing situation. I was all alone with no one to turn to. My fiancéee was a few thousand miles away. As each day passes by we decided that the best and only solution we have is to have an abortion. I was really reluctant but I know my family's honor is very important. I waited 11 weeks but this 11 weeks was all joy. Maybe I'm beginning to feel the impact of maternal bond. My baby is all I have and also a part of me and my husband to be. With each ultrasound I had my love for my baby grew. But the constant living under fear, lie were an emotional toll. My fiancéee went with me to a private clinic and the sounds, sights and smells of that clinic scared me. I felt my world is coming apart and I'm about to end a life. I tried to run away but my conscience told me to do the right thing.....to protect family's honor. All I could do during and after the procedure was cry. I still cry and often wonder if my baby is doing well. I try to tell myself let the bygone be bygone. I guess it's much easier to say than doing it.
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- I was 15 when my stepfather (third one at that time, add him to the several live in boyfriends my mom had and ya get the idea) raped me. I hadn't got along with him at all and tried to avoid being around him, but sometimes it just didn't work out. My mom was at work that day when I came home from school. He was there, he usually wasn't till later. I just went about ignoring him but he kept watching me. The rest is kinda a blur, the clearest memory is after he was done and my mom opened the door to my room to see us in bed together. My stepdad, he told her that I seduced him. She believed him and called me all sorts of names. He "talked her out of" kicking me out and that was supposed to be the end of it. She never paid much attention to me anyway so it wasn't too much different. But a couple months later I started feeling sick and then got scared. I got a pregnancy test and it came out positive. I bought another and then another and they turned out the same way. Probably would've kept buying them if my allowance had held out. I didn't know what to do, I knew it was him cause I was a virgin other then that. I went around and talked to people around. Friends, even a pastor of a nearby church. I think they all believed I was covering up and wasn't raped at all. They all told me I should have an abortion. I didn't want to, I always thought that was wrong. I finally had to go tell my mom. It took awhile to work up to it. A month. First thing she did was grab me and drag me to a clinic. No matter how much I said I didn't want to do it, she didn't care. And the people at the clinic, they all told me how right she was and that it was best for me. I never said yes. I said no. And they still did it. I just got quiet and they did it. I'm 19 now. And it still hurts. I don't see my mom much. She divorced my stepdad and has had two other husbands since. One of them, he was the best. I told him what happened to me, the first person who believed me. And ya know what he did? Just cause of that, he left my mom. Had a big showdown with her and left. Feels like a real father to me. But now I'm engaged to the greatest guy in the world, just told him not long ago. And he understood. I never wanted to get married before him, I thought marriage was a crock. But he changed that. I have a friend now who's pregnant from rape. She never even considered aborting. I told her what happened, I wanted to make sure she knew how bad it feels to do that. I'm so happy she didn't do it, she's gonna be a great mom. And she's got a fiancée who asked her to marry him not long ago so things are going good for her. It just never goes away, not all the way. But at least you can be happy again.
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